A modest proposal, with apologies to George Orwell

I agree with President Obama’s proposal for universal pre-school from the age of four. But he has not taken this good idea far enough.

Any reasonable person will have to agree that education is a critical ingredient in the perpetuation of a society, and of it’s flourishing. The more education, obviously, the better. Well over two millennia ago, Aristotle noted that “All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth.” Nothing has changed in this regard–this is simply not in dispute.

The younger education starts, the better it is. Science has established that babies start learning the moment they are born–that would be the perfect time to start education. But parents vary greatly in quality. They can’t help it, they are the product of our current terribly imperfect and unfair system.

What we really need is a standardized system that raises children from birth. What power exists that could create and manage such a standardized system? Only government.

With a government child-rearing program in place, every child would be guaranteed the best chance of a standardized, controlled education. An education that would remove all traces of sexism, superstition, false ideas and ignorance from the populace. Only trained government employees, following strict dictates, would be allowed to interact with the young citizenry. The children would grow up without ever worrying about their nutrition, housing, medical care, or any economic or racial inequality. All citizens would be equal from birth.

Don’t need colleges anymore–government. Don’t need all those redundant libraries and confusing websites–government. There will be a branch of government that makes sure people are not confused by falsehoods. There will, in fact, be a war on falsehood, and we will root out the offenders and prevent their intellectual violence.

This would solve all the social problems associated with youth crime and misbehavior. And with these problems eliminated from children, it would not be long–a generation–before they are eliminated from society, and soon this society would see to the elimination of these unnecessary imperfections from humanity as a whole.

If having schools care for kids during the day is convenient for working families, how much more convenient for people to not have to bother with raising children at all?

Since the government would raise citizens from birth, the archaic and outmoded, highly unworkable institution of marriage will no longer be needed, or even permitted.

The whole “reproduction thing” is such a hassle anyway. Who has time for all this mate selection crap? No. Single citizens are the most productive citizens, though of course women of childbearing age would need to carry to term the fetuses that result from government conception labs where genetic profiles allow the government to optimize the population. I mean garbage in, garbage out, right? We may as well apply the technology at hand for perfecting the raw material of which society is fashioned.

With no need for marriage, finally society can be rid of the ills of sex. Think of it! Gender itself could be erased. Yes, people have slightly different anatomy, and some people are tall and some are short–so much the better for fulfilling the needs of society.

And society would become perfect. Not a stray thought would cross a mind. The will of the scientific government–what sane person disagrees with science?–would simply pass into manifestation as people would simply have no idea how to disobey or resist. Perfect order. Perfect equality. Perfect peace, security and tranquility. The end of every social problem that has plagued humanity since we first stood upright on the ground.

Utopia, at last.

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One Response to A modest proposal, with apologies to George Orwell

  1. Hannah says:

    Terrifying. By the way, you’ll need to apologize to Jonathan Swift too. I suspect he and George would forgive you.

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